names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
birth control should be required to get into college
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
