I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
