He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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