dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
