need another drink. this is the easiest way
In America we eat man semen.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
