just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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