I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
