You work out of a Hotel?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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