Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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