I look better un-naked...
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
