when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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