My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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