I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
