He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
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I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
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I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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