so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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