After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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