sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Go christen that room with your naked body.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
