Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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