I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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