it hurts more in the daytime
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
