the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
