I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
