Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize