I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
