I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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