Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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