Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
