She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
