kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
