Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
