Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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