Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
