In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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