Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
