I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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