At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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