I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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