If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Randomize