I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
