ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
40s are totally the cure
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
