Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
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No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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