Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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