hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
