He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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