I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
