Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
