I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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