There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
