You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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