my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
