OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
