May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Farmville is her only friend.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
