I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
