dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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