OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
My bed is full of blood and feathers
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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