Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
