I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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