What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
