please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
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He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
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All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize