well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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