I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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