I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
