i wish there were pregnant emoticons
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
