My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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