Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
