You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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