weddingsv make me drug and hornr
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
50% drunk capacity currently
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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