I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize