Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
