Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
