i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
